Deathbed Confessions are Lame

Someone I used to know only sends me "forwards" with never a personal message, but only these cheesy, emotionally manipulative emails that are supposed to make me believe that if I just stop what I'm doing and recite a few lines on the email...I, too, can be saved. Which is ironic considering we were both baptized in the same church. I wonder what makes him think I'm going to hell again all of a sudden? Anyway, he sends me this hideously graphic collage of photos from the 9/11 attacks where God is supposedly talking to each person, trying to get the frightened, the choking, the burning, the dying people to "come to Jesus" just before they die. I think this is a terrible thing to tell people. If you lived with a man your whole life and treated him like crap and never got him anything for his birthday or even noticed he was around and just stepped over him on your way to and from work, but you proclaimed your undying love for him on your deathbed...one would have to either question your motives or your sanity, at the very least, your veracity. I would think this poor man who's shared your life for decades would know you as the pretender you are and just reach over you, gently, as though to give you a final kiss, but instead pull the plug out of the wall so that you flatline alone and miserable...I think that's fair, don't you???

Deathbed confessions are lame, people. Tell the people in your life how you feel about them now while it still matters, while it doesn't cost you anything, while it still makes sense that they'd believe you. Don't be a deathbed chump.

Obama Drama

I'm pretty sure that one of Nostradamus' signs of the apocalypse was the nomination of Barak Obama for President. As the most liberal democrat in the senate he is a danger to America, especially with a democratic congress to do his bidding. I have no problem with a black president. I would have voted for Colin Powell with a clear conscience. I just cannot state strongly enough how much I fear an ultra-liberal president being the most powerful man in the world. If he beats McCain in November (after a long and protracted election where Obama will claw for every individual vote) we can look forward to bolder terrorist attacks, insidious socialism, escalating taxes, a glut of social reform projects which have no hope of social reform, an increased welfare state, continuous legislating from the bench, the complete erosion of moral responsibility and the end of free thinking as everyone who disagrees with his agenda or those of his ilk find themselves the targets of malicious prosecution. A vote for Obama is a vote for an America we won't recognize in four years. Wake up and smell the Starbucks, people, or we will all be a bunch of French speaking, limp-wristed, surrender monkeys by 2012!

Teddy Under the Knife

The Tedster, drinker extraordinaire, killer of women, liberal lush is going under the knife for a brain tumor today. Does anyone else think this is an absolute waste of time? He's an old drunk with a pickled liver who has done more damage to this country than those chips that cause uncontrollable anal leakage. Let the old bastard rot, I mean, rest in peace already and not waste the time and talents of the doctors of Duke on a singularly corrosive human being. If they are going in there anyway, they might as well cut out the part of the brain that makes him such a douche-bag. The United States will be a better place once the Kennedys no longer have a strangle hold on the northeast. First we get rid of the caustic Kennedys, then move on to those nasty Clintons. Let the housecleaning begin!